| Update on Avon |
[Jun. 10th, 2007|06:00 pm] |
Avon is still with Blake. That surprises me. I had expected him to break away from the others fairly early. He must have a reason for staying. Avon never does anything without a reason.
I've decided to look deeper into the Blake phenomenon. Maybe Avon sees something in Blake that I don't.
Anyway, current reports suggest the whole crew is alive, well and free. There is concern at high levels about Blake's growing popularity. News blackouts never work. People love to talk.
There would be a delicious irony in all this if Blake won because I let Avon get away. Not sure Servalan would be amused, though, and my beloved husband does so desperately want to keep her amused. |
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| Orchids from Chesku |
[May. 7th, 2007|09:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  disappointed | ] |
Chesku gave me orchids today. It was so like him to buy me something expensive and beautiful and to expect me to like them because they were expensive and beautiful. Avon once gave me a burnt out component he'd just extricated from one of his machines and he looked into my eyes and said, "You can keep that, if you like." A joke between lovers, a moment Lars Chesku would never understand. I have it still, though Avon probably believed I had thrown it away. I knew I would betray him. I kept it, perhaps, for conscience, maybe to remind myself I should have one. Or maybe it is what it seems, a token of lost love.
He is alive and he is free and I, stuck here with Chesku, often feel I am neither. It helps, to know he is out there, living for both of us the kind of life that may yet give him all he wanted. The hrdest thing is knowing I can never see him again. Even if I could find him, to meet him would be suicide. He would know there could be only one reason for my survival. Avon is no fool. I can remain a cherished, painful memory to him, or I can see him one last time as he kills me for what I did.
I never miss him more than when I am with Chesku. There is no wit in Chesku, no depth or subtlety. Chesku bores me, irritates me, drives me mad and Avon made me laugh and gave me a burnt piece of rubbish that I could keep. I still love him, and I shouldn't. He is beyond my reach forever and I helped to put him there. I let him go. I gave him one chance, which was all he needed. Avon is a clever man. I wish I had hidden a second chance somewhere for me. |
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| Trouble with Chesku. |
[Mar. 15th, 2007|05:30 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
Chesku's ambition is becoming a threat. I am trying to maintain a low profile and he is intent on social-climbing. He is besotted with Servalan and thinks I should be too. He constantly reminds me that her patronage could achieve a lot.
If she were a little less alert, I'd agree. Her vanity is certainly a potential lever. The trouble is, Servalan is not stupid. I don't want her to get too interested in what I might be up to.
I need Chesku for now, but will have to give serious thought to how I can get rid of him. I could easily arrange his execution on charges of treason, but I really don't need any more brushes with traitors. Far better if I can arrange an honourable removal of the problem, leaving myself as the grieving widow of a devoted servant of the Federation.
Blake's ship has not been reported for a while. If they had been captured or destroyed, I think I would have heard. I wonder what Avon is doing now. If I had met Avon at an earlier point in his plans, we could have been ruling the Federation now. |
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| Cally? |
[Feb. 25th, 2006|02:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  curious | ] |
Blake's crew appears to have acquired a woman called Cally. We have no surname for her and if, as is rumoured, she is an alien, perhaps Cally is the only name she has. Space Commander Travis captured her briefly (Servalan's anger was hysterically funny to me, but sent Chesku into a frenzy of flattery and assurances that she would get them all). The pictures taken on her capture show a human-looking woman.
I'm not sure what I think about the fact that she is attractive. It can hardly matter now what kind of woman Avon takes up with. There is no prospect of a renewal of our relationship. There should be absolute indifference. I still feel something, though, a glimmer of jealousy, a small regret that she got away. On a professional level, I wonder whether I did a good enough job that he will hesitate to find another lover. Does he still love me? Does he mourn me? |
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| Servalan Plotting |
[Feb. 20th, 2006|03:34 pm] |
That "loyal servant of the Federation," Servalan, has been going to a lot of trouble getting private access to major figures in the administration and has been consulting personal files she has no reason to consult. She is plotting, and there seems little doubt that she will make a bid for greater power as soon as the opportunity arises.
I have been doing consulting of my own, asking her underlings a few tactful questions. She is a dangerous woman, and I must be sure that I can use her ambitions against her if I need to.
One man who may be useful is a trooper called Hob. He's very serious and cautious, but he has seen a lot of men die and has no love for Servalan.
Chesku continues to flatter and fawn and will be a great success with Servalan. He wants us to name our first daughter Valeska in her honour. Does he seriously imagine that I mean to waste valuable time supplying him with children? Maybe one. Maybe I will call him Kerr or Del. |
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| Servalan |
[Jan. 24th, 2006|04:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  nervous | ] |
We were at yet another dull reception when Servalan came over to me and said, "Sula, do come and walk with me. I am sure you are much more interesting than all these tedious bureaucrats."
I could hardly refuse, so I went with her down a long colonnade. At the far end she stopped and said, "I know you are Bartolomew."
"How would you know that?" I asked.
She smiled a slow, cold smile and said, "There is little that escapes my notice. After all, it falls to me to defend the Federation."
"To which I am no threat." I said.
She touched my arm to reassure me. "Oh, Sula! I never thought such a thing! You're a dedicated servant of the Federation, as am I. After all, you betrayed your lover without a qualm. At least, so I was told."
"I did my job." I said.
"And had others done theirs, there would have been no problem. As it is, we have Blake and your, what was his name?"
"Avon." I said.
Her eyes held mine for a moment, then she smiled, "Ah yes, that was a proud family name once. Now doubly dishonoured."
I remembered something Avon had said, that his brother had called him Avon, never Kerr, saying he was obsessed with the family and would always be more Avon than Kerr. I said nothing, but nodded.
Servalan went on, "Anyway, they are free and causing a lot of trouble. It is a great pity that not everyone is as committed as you are."
"They will be captured." I said.
She looked thoughtful and said, "Oh yes, they will. Blake's death will be particularly unpleasant. Tell me, Sula, are you enjoying your new life?"
"It suits me very well." I said.
"Chesku will go far."
"That is what he intends." I said.
She nodded. "Loyalty is always rewarded, Sula." |
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| Dreams |
[Dec. 21st, 2005|04:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sad | ] |
Last night, I ended up dreaming of Avon. It was a vivid dream. I remembered how he laughed at the play we saw and how his eyes shone as he talked about our future, the one he would pay for with his fraud.
In my dream, he kissed me as Chesku never kisses and he said, "I will come back, Anna. I will find a way." And I wanted him to, in my dream, though if he returned in reality, he would know I had betrayed him. He would kill me.
I woke and went to Chesku's room. "Problem?" he asked.
"Bad dream." I said, though it really wasn't a bad one.
"I know what it is. You're missing your brother."
"Yes." I said.
He sat up. "Well, I have news to cheer you up. We're dining with the Supreme Commander tomorrow night."
"Let joy be unconfined." I said.
He smiled. "You could pretend to be pleased. You act as if it's nothing special, but I think you rather enjoy our status."
"I do. I'm just tired." I said, "There are certainly worse things than being at the side of a man with your connections." As I spoke, I thought of one of those worse things, being with a man who is friendless and hunted, who would kill me as soon as he knew what I had done.
"Sula," he said, "There is very little I won't be able to give you."
He was right. I could think of only one thing. For that, I have only my dreams. |
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| Good News |
[Dec. 2nd, 2005|04:36 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
Bray burst in today and said, "Anna ... Sula, you won't believe this! They escaped!"
"Who escaped?" I asked, assuming he was referring to some of the Foster followers he had been interrogating.
"Your friend, Avon." he said.
"How?" I asked, trying not to look excited.
"Teamed up with the other convicts. It gets worse. He escaped with a smuggler called Jenna Stannis and Roj Blake."
"I somehow can't imagine him and Blake getting on." I said.
"Well, we'll see." said Bray, "All kinds of rumours are going around. There are even hints of a powerful alien vessel they may have taken. Servalan is livid."
"Why does she care?"
"Do you know what Blake did last time he was free and unconditioned? He was a serious threat. Now he's probably got a good ship and he certainly has a first class pilot and a computer genius."
Bray left. I called up the files of Stannis and Blake. Stannis looked annoyingly attractive, but Bray was right, she is a good pilot. As for Blake, I don't think Avon will stay with him long. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 24th, 2005|09:54 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  calm | ] |
Marriage to Lars Chesku is not so terrible. He mostly wants an audience for his speeches and an ornament for his arm. I met the Supreme Commander the other day. She is quite beautiful and highly intelligent, but utterly corrupt. I know she comes from a long-respected family, but they seem to have passed on to her only a certainty of her own rights.
Chesku is besotted with her. He speaks of her inevitable rise to greater power, but the military can offer no greater power, and the Administration will never allow an officer to gain excessive power in their own ranks. The Administration uses the military, but wisely chooses not to trust it. I suspect my respectable husband may be involved in dangerous intrigues. Should this marriage ever become tiresome, I could always denounce him.
Avon will be well on his way to Cygnus Alpha by now. I suppose it's best not to think about that. I did check the files on the crew of the transport. There's a man named Raiker. He sounds like a vicious type. I refuse to think of this! |
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| Sentence Commuted |
[Nov. 13th, 2005|08:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | anxious | ] |
Chesku kept his promise and I kept mine. I am now Sula Chesku and Avon was informed this morning that he is going to Cygnus Alpha and not for execution. He asked why. So like him to question even his own miraculous survival.
I authorised one last visit from his former teacher, Chevron, making sure he knew about the sentece being commuted. He slipped Avon something before he left. I suspect it was information about the transport ships or about Cygnus Alpha. I knew Chevron would help Avon if he could.
Now I have done all I can. Now I have to forget Avon. At least I can live with myself now. It's just a pity that I also have to live with Chesku, but he is a rising star and being at his side may take me to some interesting places. I have no love left for the Federation. Perhaps Del was right, and we should fight against it. Perhaps, from a position of power and influence, I can do something.
There was no elation on Avon's face, not even relief. I can't help remembering what he said about penal colonies. I hope he escapes before he loses his will to try. |
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| Avon's Trial |
[Nov. 6th, 2005|03:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crushed | ] |
As Avon was led from his cell to attend his trial, Restal called out, "Good luck!"
Avon turned back. "You too." he said.
Bray came into my office. "Still watching the endgame?" he said, "Admit it, this one got to you."
"It's a waste. He's as clever as he thinks he is. The Federation could use minds like his."
"The execution will be good for us too. He looks very patrician. The lower grades are always reassured to see an alpha meet the full force of the law. It hints at equality." Bray was grinning.
"Do you have to relish this so much?" I said. ( Read more... ) |
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| A Change for the Better |
[Oct. 21st, 2005|07:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | hopeful | ] |
The delta grade thief, Vila Restal has had a good effect on Avon. He is relentlessly friendly and Avon has been finding it hard to conceal his amusement at his cellmate's wit. Avon no longer sits looking dull and hopeless. At times, his lips even curl in a smile.
Seeing Avon recovering slightly has given me an increased incentive to keep him alive. I have been very affectionate towards Chesku and today I asked him if he could influence the outcome of Avon's trial. He hated the idea, but when I told him that I only wanted the sentence commuted to life on Cygnus Alpha and that I would be able to marry him if I knew I had done that much for Avon, he agreed.
He will do what he can. He gave me his word. In return, I have to be his wife, so Avon and I will both pay for our crimes. |
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| A Cellmate for Avon |
[Oct. 14th, 2005|08:11 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | hopeful | ] |
I've been worried about Avon. I know how stupid it is to be concerned about the state of a man that I have already condemned to death, but I do. The worst part is that he has been trying so hard to keep up the appearance of a man untroubled by events. He has been waking before the lights come on and the piercing electronic tones force the other prisoners from their beds. Each morning, he dressed as immaculately as he could under the circumstances and then sat as if pondering some weighty concept, but he trembled a bit, and sometimes his hand would grip the blanket without him seeming to notice. Sometimes, he mouthed my name. Sometimes he looked around the room, and I knew what he was looking for, a way out, a way to end it.
I decided to ask Bray to have another prisoner with him for a while. I assumed, as one does, that another alpha grade would be the natural choice, or at worst a beta, but I had reckoned without Bray's grade envy. Born a beta and having failed to change that at the testing centre, he harbours a deep grudge against those who have without effort the privileges he has tried and failed to attain. He found a delta grade thief and put them together.
( Read more... ) |
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| Tynus and Chevron |
[Oct. 9th, 2005|04:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  drained | ] |
I was right to leave Tynus out of our investigations and Avon was right not to trust him. Bray told me today that, on hearing of Avon's arrest, Tynus reported his suspicions. He couldn't provide much detail, but he knew some of Avon's contacts and was eager to tell what he knew. I began to wonder if there had ever been anyone in Avon's life he could trust.
Maybe there is one. Chevron turned up today, an old professor of Avon's. He was anxious to see Avon, even though he must have known he was likely to be questioned himself because of it. When asked why he needed to see Avon, he said he was an old friend and wanted to help.
( Read more... ) |
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| Doubts and Dissent |
[Oct. 2nd, 2005|07:59 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | confused | ] |
Bray asked me today why I had told Chesku I was still alive. I suppose it was foolish not to realise that he would know about it.
"Am I under surveillance now?" I said.
"Everyone is under surveillance, Bartolomew. You know that. Chesku, but not Del. Interesting."
"Are you doubting my judgement?"
"Just wondering about your motives. It's not love. You couldn't love a man like Chesku."
"He's going to the top. Why shouldn't I go with him?"
"Planning for your retirement?" asked Bray.
"I deserve a little luxury."
( Read more... ) |
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| Del Visits |
[Sep. 29th, 2005|07:33 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | depressed | ] |
Avon was allowed a visitor today, an unusual indulgence to a man in his position. When I saw it was Del, I was troubled. I hoped he had the sense to know his every word would be monitored. When he entered the cell, Avon stood and touched his arm. "You know about Anna?"
"I know. Do you want to tell me why you did this?"
"What? The fraud?"
( Read more... ) |
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| Avon Arrested. |
[Sep. 27th, 2005|08:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | guilty | ] |
They have Avon at last! He was caught trying to use the exit visa he nrealy diedto obtain. When they brought him in, he was recovering from serious injuries. He refused to say where he had been and whether anyone had aided him.
I have seen the recordings of the first interrogation. He looked weak and pale. His words were slow, partly through weakness, but mostly because he was trying to find out what they knew. Bray said to him, "We questioned Anna Grant."
( Read more... ) |
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| Where is Avon |
[Sep. 23rd, 2005|08:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | worried | ] |
There is still no sign of Avon, and none of those questioned know where he might have gone to ground. I was rather hurt that he didn't try to contact me after things went wrong, but it would make it easier to bear my betrayal of him if I could know for sure that he had planned to leave me behind.
Sadly, I can't. I know he was hurt. Is he now dead? If so, we should have found the body. Can he get offworld? I doubt it. He hasn't touched any of his accounts. He doesn't have much money with him, and freedom costs.
Out there, as Anna Grant, I had a measure of freedom, but here, my information comes through Bray and the others. I live my life with the power to make the lives of others difficult, but I can have no opinions that don't fit the image of Bartolomew. Those smirking, inscrutable puppeteers seem to be around far too much, and Shrinker and his kind sicken me. Hypocritical, perhaps. My hands are cleaner, but not my conscience.
I'm here, safe from reprisals and as much a prisoner as any of those we are holding. I am not considered a security risk. Bartolomew is known to be loyal. They are not trying to control me, but the status quo is protected at every level and we all live in the dull patterns of grey orthodoxy.
My dreams are my own, though, and I dream of Avon. Perhaps he did escape, a failure for Bartolomew, but Anna Grant would have been pleased. |
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| Arrests |
[Sep. 18th, 2005|07:21 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | depressed | ] |
At the time appointed for Avon to come to me in the market, Bray came instead, with two troopers. Anna Grant?" he said clearly, letting everyone around me know.
I nodded. "I'm doing nothing wrong." I said, "Just waiting for a friend."
"Your friend isn't coming." he said, "Your friend is a thief and we need to ask you some questions."
As we started to walk off, Del ran over. "Anna, what's going on?"
( Read more... ) |
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| The Last Hours |
[Sep. 17th, 2005|12:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | guilty | ] |
Last night, Avon brought home some expensive bottles and we ate extravagant food by candlelight. "What is all this for?" I said.
He smiled. "A celebration. Tomorrow, we are rich."
"So soon?"
"Hardly soon. We have waited long enough. Everything is ready. Nothing can go wrong now." He gazed into the red wine in his glass. "Rubies, diamonds, sapphires, you can take your pick. No rules, no restrictions, no need to ask permission for anything."
( Read more... ) |
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